Old men and throwing up are my life now.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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