mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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