then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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