He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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