Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
