you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
