you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
