Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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