I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
