four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
