It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Hippo gnu deer
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
