I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
