my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
bring money and cleavage
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
