Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
