Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
In America we eat man semen.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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