I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
