im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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