maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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