Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
