Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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