Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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