Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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