there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
