it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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