hotel room ftw
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just cut my nipple shaving
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
