Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
