you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
