you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
