hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
