my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
