i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she told me i tasted like america
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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