Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
