I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
