I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
