2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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