you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
