My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
