I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
