Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
