I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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