I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
