I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
