TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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