***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize