watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
