Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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