i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
