Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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