So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
