Betty ford says i'm here all night
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
