While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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