Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize