I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
