Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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