All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
