thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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