i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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