do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
