well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
either way he was missing a nipple.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
