We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
