Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
