im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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