if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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