Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
