Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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