I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
