how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
