Where are you?
In a non slutty way
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
