I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
