she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
